“Must Be Clean, Safe and Discreet”: The Lexicon of Discretion in Men's Same-Sex Online Hook-Ups

de Lappe, Joseph; Brown, Gavin and Feliciantonio, Cesare Di (2024). “Must Be Clean, Safe and Discreet”: The Lexicon of Discretion in Men's Same-Sex Online Hook-Ups. Journal of Bodies, Sexualities, and Masculinities, 5(1) pp. 59–80.

DOI: https://doi.org/10.3167/jbsm.2024.050105

Abstract

On digital hook-up apps for same-sex attracted men, it is common to read requests for “discretion” from “discreet” men expecting others be the same. Such discretionary language is not new but has evolved and shifted as it became coded into the affordances of hook-up apps. We argue to be discreet is not necessarily to be “closeted” or to be a “MSM” (man who has sex with men). Drawing on our research of men who engage with online same-sex hook-ups, we consider the context of discretionary language used. We discuss how this illustrates the paradox of discretionary language, where requests for discretion typically imply the requester is seeking to act indiscreetly in some fashion.

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